Losing My Religion

Now I don't want to get a bunch of comments from people who want me to re-consider my position, join their church or tell me I am going to Hell. Really, I am just expressing my opinion on what I see as my religious beliefs. OK?!!

I was never much into organized religion. When I was a kid, my parents made us go to church every Sunday. We were raised Presbyterian (and, No, Presbyterians do not believe in pre-destination). It was a very nice small liberal church with a lot of advanced beliefs about religion and society in general. I felt good about belonging to it. Unfortunately, as I got older, so did the population of the church. The surrounding neighborhood fell into decline and many previous members moved away to nicer neighborhoods. There were also some ministers that didn't win any popularity contests and ran off a few members. So over the years the church grew smaller as did another Presbyterian church nearby. They eventually decided to merge and become a "new" Presbyterian church but in the other church's building. That pretty much put an end to the church I knew growing up. So I don't have a family church to go back to even if I wanted.

I gradually began to realize I was something of a "non-believer" several years ago. I mean I had believed before that there was a God, but then over time something changed in me. I don't know what it was, but I began to have my doubts that there was a life after death. And if there was no life after death, was there a God? Sure, that's not a good enough reason not to believe in God, because I doubt there is a Heaven, but I began to believe that we were created through a series of evolutionary changes. People are a part of nature, made up of elements just like the other living creatures on earth. We will literally go from ashes to ashes, from dust to dust in my mind.

I want to believe in a supreme being. One that keeps a watchful eye, trying to nudge us into being better human beings. I try to think that each culture has a religious philosphy that they best understand based on their cultural background and history, but that in the end it is all one Universal Being that holds us all together. Sometimes I think I might believe in reincarnation, but no, I don't really. I think once we die, we are but a memory to those who knew us. Eventually everyone who knew us will die and then we will be forgotten or at least the memory of us will not be as true. For there would be no one alive to tell others about us.

Gradually, I have become less doubtful that we have a spirit or a soul or something eternal that may disappear back into the cosmos once we die. But that's just a theory of mine. I do like to think that people should strive to be good, to learn as much as they can and to make life better for those around them. But I don't think the threat of "going to Hell" if you don't do these things is really going to work for everyone. Obviously not, since there are so many "bad" people in the world right now who kill and hate. So maybe it is all inside you, God or the Universal Being, and it's up to YOU to find it, not some organized religion to tell you about it. You have to look for it inside yourself and learn about it as you grow. Maybe.