I am fatter than fat.

I am fatter than fat. I mean I am so fat I broke two couches. TWO! I have no cartilage in my knees. I have developed congestive heart failure. I have diabetes. All because I am fat. I can't stand for longer than a couple of minutes. I can't walk more than a few feet. I am miserable. I have a spouse who has a bad back (no, he's not fat). And he doesn't like having to cook and clean all the time. Of course I feel guilty. Extremely guilty. and sometimes he makes comments like "you're not trying hard enough" or "i'm the only one who...". That makes me feel worse. I know he's miserable having to do so much for me...so I try to cook my meal and I fail. I can't stand at the stove long enough. the rolling stool we got so I can sit down and cook rolls away from me because I can't get my fat butt on it. As I said I am miserable and I'm making him miserable too. I don't have money to get help in to clean and cook. I was turned down for disability (so I guess I'm NOT trying hard enough). I feel like a fraud. I feel like a burden. I am unhappy. I wanted to move to an assisted living facility where they have bathing facilities I can use safely. Where someone can cook my meals. Where maybe I can get some physical therapy. And then my husband won't have to live with this burden. He can do what he wants when he wants. He won't have to look after me. I know most people say lose weight. I have dieted but not successfully. I can't exercise because of my knees and my chf making me lose my breath. Sounds like a lot of excuses? walking a mile in my shoes...err...sit a mile in my shoes. Do you know what it's like to be in the shower and have the shower bench collapse under you because you're so fat? I slid to the floor and couldn't get up. My husband had to struggle to help me up because I am so heavy. yep...Life is miserable for the morbidly obese. Shame, embarrassment, feeling like a burden, it's all a great package of misery. I need to be shut away from society because no one wants to look at a fat lady. (I don't go out because I am an embarrassment and because what would I do? I can't walk and I can't afford a scooter). Life isn't a bumby road....it's a dead end for me.